Finally Free

Life is strange. You want to be with somebody, yearn to be with them, wait for them with bated breath....to call...to write...to meet. Every bit of what they say and do or don't do affects you profoundly. But they are impervious to your thoughts and feelings. Your little wishes however easy to fulfil are thrown aside with disregard.

You wait. You hurt. You cry within you, as you do not want to impinge on them or voice your concerns lest they think and feel stifled. You are in anguish....miserable...you shrivel up into a tight ball. A tight knot of pain balls up in your throat threatening to choke you. You paste a smile on your quivering lips again because you do not want to crowd them. Days pass, weeks pass, months go by....you live in this living hell, all knotted up in misery. The person is nonchalant, unaffected and unmoved by the plea in your eyes. You still wait thinking that they will realise the depth of your feelings, will turn and come to you and engulf you with their love. But no....it does not happen. As months lapse into years, the deep anguish turns into a dull ache which settles in your heart. You are sad and unhappy. The tight ball of pain in your throat which threatened to choke you, slowly dissolves and spreads into your system ...flows....easing the pain in your throat. The pain is still there but has turned into a dull ache, not the searing, tearing fierce wrench of before.

Time moves on. You have shifted gears. Come to terms with what life has doled out. Made peace finally with reality. Then as you stand there you see someone walking towards you from the horizon..you strain your eyes to see who it is ....yes it is the same person who you yearned to be with . As she walks towards you with his arms as though outstretched, smiling with the love light in her eyes, you stand transfixed. You heart should soar and leap, you should feel elated, on top of the world....your dreams are coming true....finally. But you feel nothing....you shake yourself ....it is she you tell yourself, she who you longed and pined for....at last she is here. But it's not the same anymore. You take a step forward, then two, then more....but ever so lightly you step away from her path and brush past her perhaps nod pleasantly as you go past. You move forward...there is a spring in your step, now your heart soars as you move lithely with abandon....you are finally free.